Moving

It’s been some time since the Happiness that is Happiness Stan saw fit to write something. For Happiness Stan has been about as happy as a fart in a thunderstorm. Not happy. Not happy at all.

I could go into the intricate details surrounding this lack of happiness….and i will.

Moving. To be specific. Selling one house and then buying another. And then moving from the former to the latter. They say that moving is akin to dying*. And it is. At various times death would have been a…sorry I’ve been distracted whilst the wife is singing along to a live TV version of the Sound of Music…It’s okay she’s gone to get some wine. Anyway back to my point…death would have been a sweet release. The issue?

*(I made that up but it is true)

Lawyers. My god how painful. I have never experienced a legal process so tedious, drawn-out, incompetent or lacking in empathy. No one has a bloody clue how anything is supposed to work.

Everyone involved (except the mugs actually buying and selling) does this thing every day (I mean estate agents (although to be fair they were actually really good at stopping me losing my rag and saying something inappropriate to the lawyer), mortgage consultants, solicitors, building societies)…none of them seemed to have any opinion, view or even a semblance of an idea about how to actually do anything, how to solve a problem, what Plan B was, could be.

The stress was intense, ongoing and unrelenting. We had a solicitor who could only communicate with the mortgage provider with a fax machine. Fax machine. In the 21st Century. And even better the fax machine kept breaking. Come off it. Pull the other one, its got bells on.

Bloody shite. It will come as no surprise therefore to learn that my interest in writing about cooking food wained. We have spent the last 2 months living off pizza and wine (and scotch, if the wine ran out).

Nevertheless we have made it. We are sitting in our new house. We have, of course, got a new kitchen.

IMG_1207.JPG

As you can see it’s in a state of chaos. But it’s bigger, it’s better, it’s just right. We will be cooking in that bad boy. Cooking big time.

And all this with less than a week until Christmas Day. Christmas? Sod that. I will be lying under the Christmas tree (thank God for artificial trees) with a vodka in one hand whilst the wife spins around our new living room singing ‘Doh^-re-me-so’ and so on. Or whatever.

^‘Doh’ as in Homer Simpson

Anyway here’s to the end of 2015 and new beginnings in 2016. Did I mention we have an electric gate? I didn’t? Well on our first morning it stopped working. We couldn’t get out of our new house. We were completely trapped. We had to call the man who sold the house to us to let us out. He couldn’t open it either. Panic set in. ‘Never happened before’, he said. I felt like Tom Hanks in that film ‘The Money Pit’. After half an hour we found that I had inadvertantly flicked a switch labelled ‘Patio Lights’ which in fact switched off the gates. Happy Days!

18 thoughts on “Moving

  1. Oh dear, so sorry but I’m still laughing about the ‘patio lights’ switch that turned off your gates. I moved last year into the tenth home that I’ve owned, and there’s been a scattering of rentals along the way too, so you and I should sit down over a bottle of that aforementioned wine and commiserate. My current house? Love it, but after I bought it I discovered almost all the window screens were missing. Not just off the windows but not present in any shape or form $1100 for new screens! And there’s more, but then again, there’s always more when moving! Hope your settled in now, and I look forward to seeing you around here!

    • You too – moving is not something I would do again in the near future. In fact it might be like giving birth, not that i would know from personal experience – but you do it once and swear you’ll never do it again, but then you do…

  2. Congrats! On both the purchase, and surviving the purchase. We’ve bought several homes and have only regretted one. May this house not be that one and you live happily ever after… or at least can open your electric gate everyday.

  3. I hope moving was voluntary choice for you. With all the “stuff” my hoarder wife has accumulated in the past 25 years, I couldn’t even imagine trying to move. For fun,watch the Richard Pryor movie “Moving.”

  4. Congratulations on the new home and kitchen. I dislike moving. It drains the life out of you. The will to live diminishes to that of an amoeba. I look forward to more regular writing and updating on the kitchen.

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