As it is the season of goodwill to all men (and women obviously) I thought it an opportune time to list all the things that have really annoyed me this year. But before I do I wanted to share (there, that’s one of my pet hates, people who ‘share’. It’s not sharing fool, it’s showing, or telling, or asking, or phoning, or emailing) this year’s festive centrepiece…
Yes a nice delicious red box. With a complimentary vegetable assortment. Of course the red box contains an even more delicious turkey!
The child was optional, but as its the season of goodwill we got one as well. Now, back to my list of pet hates 2014.
- British Gas – constantly harrassing me about my meter reading. By phone, knocking on the door, emails, even by letter. GO AWAY.
- Online Christmas shopping. I have identified a flaw in the system, but I’ve already ranted about it.
- The Pogues and Kirsty McColl singing Fairy Tale of New York. I hated it 30 years ago and playing it every year now makes it more awful than Slade wishing it was Christmas every day.
- The old geezer in the farm shop that nearly knocked us out the way so desperate was he to acquire some brussel sprouts still on the stalk. He looked just like Father Christmas, in miserable sod form.
- Corporations and people who refer to Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas because of the fear of excluding a goat herder in Azerbaijan.
- The new version of Do they Know its Christmas. Updated to cover the Ebola crisis. Seriously.
- Builders who tell you they will fix your roof in March and then don’t turn up until November, sod about for a few days and then act surprised when you get the arse because they arrive unannounced on a Saturday and start crashing around.
- Nottingham one-way system. Now Nottingham might be where Robin Hood came from (or somewhere there abouts), but that doesn’t stop it having the worse traffic management this side of Kabul. Nightmare. We could see the hotel we were aiming for but could not get to it. Like a man dying of thirst trying to reach a mirage of an oasis…
- Car washes. £7 for this…
Its like the car wash took a personal dislike to me and missed out the area that needed cleaning the most.
However my biggest pet hate is photographs of cars where the number plate is fuzzed out as if anyone cares what the number plate number is. I mean what would they do, find out who the car belongs to, come round and do me in for not liking ‘Do They Know its Christmas’? Come off it. Hang on, I’ve got to go, the kids say Bob Geldof’s at the door.
Happy Holidays All!
I’m sorry, but when british people rant, it just cracks me up. You still sound too polite doing it. And no swear words, unless sod is one. i’ll have to check my british-english dictionary for that one. Happy Holidays!!! (kidding)
Happy Christmas. Thanks for the laughs you have brought me during the past years.
And thanks for your insight into South west cooking. I mean I’m kind of guessing that’s the general area but you spend a lot of time in California too so sometimes its hard to tell exactly where you are! Its Christmas Day already but I’m still up, slow cooking a rib roast. I have to slow cook the bugger because I havent got the room in the oven to cook the turkey at the same time….
Excellent rant !! I’ve enhanced the photo of the license plate and someone will be contacting you shortly. So are you keeping the child? Any warranty?
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Yes he’s extremely useful. Have a good christmas and lets see a shot of your festive kitchen!
Thank you. For the
First time in over 30 years my kitchen will be going dark for Christmas. This is what can happen if you keep your kids long enough for them to buy a house! Just have to make a couple of things and drag the presents over there and I can relax.
Nothing like a Merry Christmas rant, hope those parcels arrived Mr Happiness! Wishing the fat Turkey in a box and you all a very Merry Christmas. (I totally get you on the number plate blanking out thing, why, why??)
Thanks hope you have a good one too!
Hilarious. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and the Turkey will be delicious. 🎉
Thanks, you to, and I’ve decided to cook the rib roast all night. I cant cook the turkey and the beef at the same time so that should be interesting…
Hope you and yours have a great CNY break http://bit.ly/2014YLChristmasCard I love your blog.
Thanks, you to, and keep the envy inducing breakfast food porn coming…
Love me a good hissy fit!
Stops it all coming out on Christmas morning!
Best Christmas rant so far. You will love this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6wJnu7fPTQ
I am sometimes so tempted to do this kind of thing but my blog would suffer credibilitiy issues, what little credibility it still has. Jamie looks like he’s been stuffing a little too much turkey in that particular video.
It really broke me up. Great editing.
I’m LOLling, too 🙂
Conor that’s so funny! I wouldn’t have thought he had that much of a sense of humor/humour!