Salmon Quiche and Why I Don’t Give a Monkey’s Arse About Soggy Bottoms

For those intimately acquainted with the Great British Bake-Off, the term ‘soggy bottom’ will be familiar. For those who aren’t, let me explain. It doesn’t refer to an unpleasant incident following a night of drunken debauchery. It, in fact, refers to the status of the crust of your pastry-related creation.

A ‘good bake’ has a nicely cooked golden crust on the bottom, no translucency or greyness; it should be tap-able and a bit flakey (just like me). At this point I must digress.

On TV the ‘Great British Bake-Off’ is, apparently, going State-side. Soon you Americans will too enjoy the delights of Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry critiquing Mississippi Mud Pie, Apple Pie and who knows what. And from recent comments made by Mr Hollywood (a Liverpudlian, and they don’t pull their punches) it isn’t going well.

Because, he says, when he provides some honest feedback (e.g. this tastes like something my dog threw up) the contestants start blubbing! They can’t take the negative feedback. But it’s something we are well used to in this Sceptred Isle – we’ve spent the last 100 years being told we’re crap.

As I said, I digress. Time for Salmon Quiche.

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For this creation you will need:

  • 1 block puff pastry
  • 3 slices smoked salmon
  • 4 knobs (knobs?) broccoli
  • 6 chestnut mushrooms
  • 6 eggs
  • ½ tub crème fraiche
  • ½ pound cheddar cheese
  • Salt and pepper

First off get your pastry up to room temperature. Place on a floured surface thus:

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Roll out to a rough round:

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Lay the pastry over a buttered dish and gently press the edges in:

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Now prick the surface with a fork; this will stop the bottom of the pastry rising too much:

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Cut out a round of baking paper that fits the bottom of the dish:

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It’s time for ceramic balls. These little beauties stop the pastry rising during the ‘pre-bake’.

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Place this bizarreness in an oven at 180 centigrade for 15 mins. Meanwhile whisk the eggs, creme fraiche and seasoning in a bowl:

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Add the cheese and stir in:

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Remove the pastry from the oven and scoop out the ceramic balls (careful, those are some seriously hot balls):

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Pour in the egg mixture, then add the salmon, broccoli and mushrooms:

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Pop back in the oven for 20 mins:

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So here it is. Salmon Quiche (with brocolli and mushrooms). As you may well be able to see, I have a slightly soggy bottom. But it gets lost in the morass of cheesy egginess. So I don’t really give a toss. Happy munching people!

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33 thoughts on “Salmon Quiche and Why I Don’t Give a Monkey’s Arse About Soggy Bottoms

  1. Who needs perfect when you’ve got something that looks that good! I’d think even if you did have the perfect crust, once you poured the eggs on top you’d end up with just a little bit of soggy bottom.

  2. This looks marvelous! And the bottom doesn’t look very soggy at all.

    I don’t double the pastry over, but I have started leaving the pastry hanging over the edge and trimming it *after* it par-bakes. Otherwise, I always have all of it sliding down the sides. How did you manage to keep the walls reasonably up?

  3. I have an odd, probably a dumb question, but I’m asking it anyway…. is the Salmon you all get over there, the same as we have…. specifically in the PNW? As in, do you have Salmon in Europe or does it come from Alaska?

  4. It looks great! Even though you don’t give a monkey’s arse, I’m going to tell you how to avoid a soggy bottom next time anyway 🙂
    Do the prebake at 190C/375F instead of 180C/350F and after removing the ceramic balls and the baking paper do a second pre-bake for about 10 minutes. I know that most recipes tell you to use the shorter time and lower temp, but this way the pre-bake actually works 🙂

  5. Smiling! sometimes a soggy bottom is inevitable. Your quiche looks beautiful. Must try that one because I love all those ingredients. Have you ever wondered if anyone has, by mistake of course, poured the quiche mix over the ceramic balls? then tried to cook it before realising?

    • Its great hope you get Mary and Paul they remind me of some kind of evil facist baking police – ones all smiles and the other looks like he’ll just kill you on the spot

  6. I finally have a working computer again (sort of) and I am back. You already have me laughing (title, “some serious hot balls”, etc. . .), and I can’t wait to start back reading your cooking creations. Honestly though, I read more to smile at the end of my day.

    • I wondered what had happened to whits end – we have two laptops in this house and both are on their last legs – blue screens of death and all that kind of thing

  7. The case looks very neat. I have a problem with the walls sagging in or shrinking when I try to make quiche…did you double the pastry over?

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