This is the second post in a series I am calling ‘Lazy Food’. The first post related to making cupcakes. This is the second. It will probably be the last.
A while back I tried doing a series entitled ‘Around the World in 80 Beers’. I did 8 and then got bored (not of drinking the beers, I’ve drunk thousands, just writing about it: ‘Hey, I drank some beers, got drunk, fell asleep watching Family Guy; that’s it’).
The key to creating ‘Chinese Chicken Curry for People Who Are So Lazy They Can’t Even Pick Up The Phone And Order Take-Out’ is getting your chicken to take on the texture of take away chicken. You know, all soft and wet and squashy. You don’t want firm fibrous chicken that has the chewiness of real meat.
No, you need the kind of chicken you get at 3am from the local Mr Wong after a night out, amorphous gloop that is undifferentiated from the soggy onion and floppy green peppers. You also need, and I cannot over-stress the importance of this, ‘Goldfish Chinese Curry Sauce’. You really need that.
So to get to the rub, so to speak:
For the chicken-like-you-eat-from-a-take-away..
- two chicken breasts, skin removed, cut into chunks
- 2 tbsp cornflour
- 2 egg whites
- 2 tbsp soy sauce
- 1 tbsp oyster sauce
For the sauce
- 1/2 tub of ‘Goldfish Chinese Curry Sauce’
- 1 red pepper
- 1 green pepper
- 1 punnet mushrooms
- 2 onions
First put the chicken in a plastic tub and add the cornflour, egg whites, soy sauce and oyster sauce. Mix thoroughly. Marinate for at least an hour (preferably four). The marinade helps to moisten and soften the chicken, just like your local take away used to make (or still does).
When you’re ready get the curry paste out of the pot:
The contents of this pot aren’t important right now. Best just to say there are a few ingredients in there that you won’t have in your ‘dry ingredients’ inventory in your cupboard. Put the paste in a jug and add boiling water to get it to your desired consistency: I like mine thick and glutinous.
Chop up the vegetables:
Stick them in a wok and start frying:
Hard to believe but this is our kitchen, not ‘My Old China’s’
Now add your marinated chicken:
Looking good. Now add the sauce:
You know this isn’t going to win MasterChef but you just don’t give a monkey’s…
Let that bad boy simmer.
It’s blowing little bubbles like a mud volcano…
Serve with rice. And wine.
Okay we need a close-up to make sure you can see just how exactly the same this is to a take-away Chinese Chicken Curry:
After 4 pints of Stella Artois you wouldn’t know the difference. 3, yes. 4, no!