***Warning: this post contains evidence of a baking fail***
What a surprise. I don’t really get baking. Hot hands and a cold heart maybe.
Anyway, one thing I always liked about American restaurants and bars is that they serve up burgers in a brioche bap. Makes the whole burger thing that little more decandent.
Now in the UK you can get brioche loaves. You can get brioche finger rolls. You can get brioche with chocolate and brioche with jam. You can get things that are almost baps but they are called cholla (they even taste the same as brioche).
But for someone like me, suffering raging OCD, that will not do. I want brioche baps. So I decided to make my own. And that meant yeast. And that meant ‘oh dear’.
I think I’ve given up trying to be a gourmet chef. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried. But it’s hard. The attention to detail. The need for quality ingredients. The hours of preparation. But, in reality, I’m more a Man v Food kind of cook: pile it high and …eat it.
For this session I tried to create something that employed food rings – I mean anything that requires food rings has to be haute cuisine right? Even cheese and chicken pancakes.
Recently it was revealed the Great British Public has been consuming cheap frozen beefburgers featuring a ‘special ingredient’; horsemeat. This revelation opened up the inner workings of the food industry, including the importing of ‘fillers’ from Eastern Europe which were used to help hold the delicious meaty treats in question together.
Naturally vegetarians the world over have grasped the opportunity to have a good giggle at the misfortune of the unwary carnivorous community, not least both my wife and mother-in-law who conspired to deliver the following witty one-liners to the inbox of Happiness Stan.
- A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.
- So they have found a horse burger in Tesco, what’s next, my Lidl pony?
- Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
- A waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger, so I had £5 each way!
- Tesco Quarter Pounders: The affordable way to buy your daughter the pony that she’s always wanted!
- Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night….I still have a bit between my teeth.
- Unused HMV vouchers are now being accepted at Tesco, just tell them HMV means ‘Horse Meat Voucher’
- Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of uniquorn!
- Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?
- “I’ve just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer…AND THEY’RE OFF”
- I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse….. I guess Tesco just listened.
- Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.
- A cow walks into a bar. Barman says ‘why the long face?’ Cow says ‘Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!’
- I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horses d’oeuvres.
- These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a dead.. NO! NO NO NO!
- Said to the Mrs these Tesco burgers are giving me the trots
- To beef or not to beef, that is the equestrian
- Is it a coincidence that HAMBURGERS is an anagram of …SHERGARS BUM.
- Tesco’s have released a new liqueur to complement their range of burgers, they’re calling it ‘Red Rum’.
I just copy and paste this stuff.
Is the increase in so-called street entertainment a desperate ploy by high street retailers to attract people out of their homes to spend money? Probably not but there some increasingly weird street artists around at the moment. Take this chap, sitting on air:
So we are snowed in – a whole 2 inches of the white stuff – but in this part of the world that is more than enough to bring the whole road and rail network to a grinding halt.
And since ‘Black Tuesday’ (I’ll call it that although it could have been a Wednesday) two years ago when it took me, my wife and thousands of others over 8 hours to drive 13 miles home in the evening, few were prepared to go through that experience again. So most worked from home; the roads were quiet and all was good.
And gazing out of the window, I mean doing a detailed spreadsheet analysis, my thoughts turned, surprisingly, to food. For Big Weather you need Big Food, and it doesn’t come much bigger than Giant Yorkshire Puddings.
Those are dinner plates. Big Ones.