We live in one of those places where there are more pizza take-aways than libraries.
Or Doctors, dentists, petrol stations, banks, bakeries, candelstick-makers and haberdasheries combined.
We get fliers through the door advertising pizza, and kebabs, curries, chinese, Thai, burgers, fried chicken and all other forms of crap and we buy none of it. Actually I like collecting these little pamphlets of death.
Anyway we decided we wanted pizza but despite the kids chanting ‘Dominoes’ over and over (okay so we may have picked up a flier in the past and given in to the ‘Buy One Get One Half Price – even though we charge you £15 for something that costs about £1 to create) – we decided home produced would be infinitely better than something delivered by a 50cc moped.
But we cheated:
For shame! ‘Tis the work of a slothly satan….
And then we cheated some more by using:
Cooking from scratch can be difficult; creating bread from the raw ingredients – all that fresh yeast and waiting for things to rise – it’s a tiresome business. Shortcuts are required. For those of us who are time poor and cash rich – good luck, you lucky buggers. For everyone else – those who are time poor and skint – there is Tesco’s ready-made pizza dough.
Of course this being a household of multiple culinary tastes we needed to create three pizzas – one that was suitable for the vegetarian, one that was suitable for the fussy eater and one that was suitable for the ‘hoover’.
- Pesto sauce (instead of the tomato sauce)
- Feta cheese
- Cheddar cheese
- Mushrooms, sliced
- Shredded chicken
- Smoked sausage
- Chopped ham
- Mozzarella ball
- Cheddar cheese
- As for the ‘Fussy’ Version plus
- Spanish sausage
Essential pizza toppings
First marshal everyone into a single room, preferably the kitchen. Then demonstrate supreme pizza-dough spinning skills
Get it off, get it off!
Then liberally apply the tomato sauce base (yes do the meat versions first to get them out of the way):
Then let the little angels apply their toppings of choice:
Bake for twenty minutes and then serve. Enjoy the silence.
Meanwhile prepare the vegetarian options. Spread the pesto sauce over the base:
Layer with mushrooms:
Wine-induced camera angles
Then the spinach and cheese. Put some basil leaves on top and drizzle with olive oil. Again bake for twenty mins:
There’s nothing like a gratuitous pig-out to bring the family together! What is your favourite pizza topping? Personally mine is baked beans, sausage and tonnes of cheese. But I’m on a no fat, no carbs, no anything diet so I didn’t even participate in eating this crap – I just make it! Yes, I am a masochist.