‘What’s the prognosis Doctor?’
‘Well sir, it isn’t good.’
‘For heaven’s sake man, give it to me straight. I can take it.’
‘Well….you’re just shit at cooking with pastry.’
‘My God. I can’t believe this is happening.’
‘You’re not alone sir. Many, many good people have come to terms with this reality.’
‘But I just don’t think I can take this kind of rejection.’
‘It becomes easier…with time.’
And so on to my latest pastry-based culinary disaster. And I blame many, many things.
I blame the Hairy Bikers for a recipe that was never going to work.
I blame the tosspots who produce ready-rolled puff pastry. Have these morons ever actually cooked anything with this crap? Its so thin its useless.
And lastly I blame my hands – hot, sweaty bloody things that turn pastry to useless slippery mush in two seconds flat.
Even so it all started so promisingly – with a nice collection of ingredients all weighed out and ready to roll: