First thing you need are these:
These are a pair of hands of a child (you might want to keep them attached to the relevant child, preferably your own).
Tag Archives: life
Learning to Deal With Christmas One Tesco Visit at a Time
In this wonderful Isle we aren’t allowed to shop before 11am or after 5pm on Sundays (except in little shops for some wierd reason) – even on the day before Christmas Eve.
The only person I know who still goes to church is my mother, and, given the rapture, armageddon, doomsday (call it what you will) didn’t come to pass two days ago, i doubt whether many people will be swapping a trip to the local supermarket for a session on their knees praising the almighty.
Anyway, obviously today is going to be hell on earth for those foolhardy enough to venture out. Of course there are some who have no choice. Like me. I needed brussel sprouts and I needed the ingredients for Pigs-In-Blankets – two essential Christmas meal items.
I’d been awake since about 3am since our opposite-neighbours introduced us to the concept of 24 hour daylight with their latest festive lighting arrangement (it’s getting more outrageous each year), so by 10am I was getting bored has hell:
Epic Lunchtime Fail
My wife is a qualified accountant. I am a qualified blagger. Nevertheless early morning starts are a great leveller. No matter what your intellect, the bleary-eyed semi-dawn of an Autumnal 6am start can play tricks with the mind – especially when you are hunting through the pantry for something to eat for lunch at work.
My wife found a tin of tomato soup in the back of the cupboard, and off she went. Come lunch time she dug her tin out of her handbag and headed for the canteen microwave, only to find she had this:
Kitchen Product Review – The Automatic Cheese Mill
I’d just like to start by saying we were shafted with this gem. On the box it says ‘New Innovation’. That should have flagged up a big red ‘NO’. I mean innovation is, by definition, new. So this thing was never going to do what it said on the can. Or box. And what is it that it is supposed to do? Grate (or shred) things – cheese mostly but also nuts, vegetables – almost anything.
England in a Nutshell – Shakespeare and Cricket
So when we we have nothing to do we hit the local park. Its improved a lot since I spent my youth there downing cider and smoking fags (for those not familiar with English phraseology ‘fags’ is short for cigarettes – stop sniggering you call backsides ‘fannies’).
In this modern age our local park has much better facilites – even a cafe – and the security cameras minimise vandalism. All very nice. But this particular day we arrived to find the local amateur dramatics group had set up camp to rehearse:
