Amazing New Kitchen Tool That Will, Well, Amaze You

There are so many amazing gadgets for the kitchen, it can be difficult to prioritise. Is a KitchenAid more practical than a Magimix? Is a breadmaker more useful than an ice-cream maker?

My wife buys me kitchen related toys and gadgets, she like watching me rush into the kitchen with a new device and start rustling up creations. So it was with some not insignificant anticipation that I awaited her return from the Post Office with a ‘surprise package’.

I eagerly tore open the cardboard box and was presented with this.

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The Injustice of Modern Life

10 years. I’ve been driving for 10 years along the same bloody road to the same bloody office and back again. And in all that time I’ve never once, not once, complained about the arse-wipe thought police that see the solution to traffic congestion as being to make things even more difficult for the motorist.

I can imagine traffic planning meetings as being like something from the crisis meeting room in that Dr. Strangelove film with Peter Sellers….

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It’s happened – I’ve gone mad with power!!!

‘Right ladies and gentlemen, the traffic situation is becoming worse. Too many people trying to get to work and go shopping. SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE!’

(Silence).

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Double Crust Chicken and Mushroom Pie

It’s Roman shield time. Right now, as you read this, mums and dads all over the globe are trying to make Roman shields for their kids’ school projects. There is a global conspiracy; teachers get their own back on all those parents and their horrible children by sending them home with the task of making a Roman shield.

It’s a pain in the arse to make, and what’s more it’s an expensive pain in the arse to make. But wait, I hear you holler at your screens. How does he know all this fascinating information? Is he in on the conspiracy? No. I just went through that pain, and blogged it. And since the beginning of September this year that post has been read 650 times (2,500 times in all).

I even know when the shields are being created – September through November and another peak in April and May. I love the stats on WordPress.

But, as this is supposed to be a food blog, I’d better get down to business. And for me pies mean business. And you can’t call a pie a pie unless it contains a substantial quantity of pastry.

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Emergency Pumpkin Jack-o’-lantern

It’s 3 O’Clock on Halloween. We have pumpkins. We have fake blood. We have sweets and chocolate. And we have to go trick-or-treating. So we have to get busy. First off we need a Jack-o’-lantern (that word is not easy to type BTW).

So busy we got. Preparation is the key. Scaring children is the objective! So to get to this:

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