Beef Hotpot

First a joke.

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.

Next an observation. It’s the General Election in the UK next week. The General Election is like voting for a new President in the US, except the difference is that no one cares.

Now a dilemma. After much research I’ve realised I don’t need iCloud. I have 7,500 photographs and I just loaded all of them into iCloud. But they are nearly all pictures of me making food. That’s the problem with digital photography and wine. You end up just taking hundreds of pictures of a bowl of chilli which turn out all to look not quite right. I don’t need to keep them all but I cannot quite bring myself to delete them. I mean I could just leave them on the laptop but I…well I’m conflicted about the whole thing. I am starting to think that the ‘Cloud’ is a big red herring, it isn’t the future…maybe.

Finally a recipe.  A nice, simple, straightforward hotpot.

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Super Luxurious Over-the-Top Burger

This is a burger recipe. No big deal there you may well be thinking. But this is a special recipe. Very special. I shit ye not. Actually with reference to that phrase check this out. You either think that is funny or you don’t. If you think it is funny good. If you don’t think it’s funny then good for you.

Anyway, back to the recipe. What is so special about it? Well let’s have a look at the ingredients.

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Prosciutto Wrapped Cod with Chorizo and Beans

Have you heard? The World Cup is upon us. I’m not writing about the World Series (what is that about, World Series, comprising the USA and Canada?) I’m writing about the beautiful game, 22 men on a pitch running around for 90 minutes trying to get a ball in a net.

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Only it’s not such a beatiful game if you’re English. It’s been 48 years since we won the World Cup. 48 years. Longer than I have been on this planet. And here I am watching a warm up game; England v Ecuador. Ecuador. Where the hell is that? Not too far from Miami I guess, as that is where they are playing. And losing.

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Pork Wellington

Just spent a day Christmas shopping. Whilst lying in bed reading the news on the (crappy) Samsung tablet (why didn’t I get an i-Pad) it suddenly dawned on me that if I didn’t get off my arse and go shopping today then I wasn’t going to get another chance. And that wouldn’t do. A lot of disappointed sproglets, and don’t even get me started on the wife’s reaction.

So I went right on in to town. Battled the hoards. The squealing brats with their uncouth parents smoking fags and swearing at each other. Sulky youths trudging around. But I did it. I purchased things for about 10 people. It is done. No more! And to celebrate I created this sumptious creation – courtesy of my favourite Hairy Bikers!

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Coq au Vin with Croissant Cobbler

I just remembered that while I was stuck on that plane last week coming back from being an international businessman (shame I don’t get international businessman pay BTW) there was a salesman sitting behind me next to an English undergraduate.

I know this because the guy didn’t stop talking from the moment I sat down until the moment I got up, opened the rear door and threw myself out at 22,000ft.

Okay I didn’t do that but honestly I would have rather been stuck next to a 300lb screaming monster-baby. With a bad vomiting bug.

Now this guy couldn’t stop talking because a) he was a salesman and b) he was nervous (probably because of the dodgy engine; see the last post). But he was scaring the hell out of the student. She was laughing in that hysterical way you would do as someone explains to you that the reason they say get into the ‘brace’ position if you are unlucky enough to be in an airplane disaster scenario isn’t to try to save your life, it’s to try and keep your teeth in your face so they can identify your body from dental records. Nice.

That guy was an arsehole but his buddy was worse – some kind of Eastern European who was trying to chat this girl up by explaining that his girlfriend had left him and that he was looking for love because he had ‘biological needs’. Really? Keeping looking mate you’re going to be in it for the long haul.

Anyway, after a particularly stressy work week I decided to unwind with a serious dose of cooking. I decided to try Coq au Vin again. This time with croissant!

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