First some things I noticed this week:
- Twitter is irritating. For every person that starts following you, 2 stop following you. Actually I think that every time I write a rude word, or controversial statement, like ‘Americans are crap at cricket’ then I lose loads of followers (-1)
- The opinion poll industry is a load of crap too (-1), in my opinion. We just had an election and all the polls said it was a neck-and-neck race. But it wasn’t – the Tories (right wing) won it by a mile and Labour (left wing) ended up looking a bit silly (-2)
- I am stupid. I have been haranguing my internet provider for the last week telling them their service is shit (-2). After ranting on the phone for hours over several days I finally booked an engineer. Then I checked the back of the modem, tightened the cable and now everything is fine
These are my top three observations of the week and I just realised they all related to communications, media, online; i.e. irrelevant twaddle and no one cares.
What people do care about is food:
First a joke.
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.
Next an observation. It’s the General Election in the UK next week. The General Election is like voting for a new President in the US, except the difference is that no one cares.
Now a dilemma. After much research I’ve realised I don’t need iCloud. I have 7,500 photographs and I just loaded all of them into iCloud. But they are nearly all pictures of me making food. That’s the problem with digital photography and wine. You end up just taking hundreds of pictures of a bowl of chilli which turn out all to look not quite right. I don’t need to keep them all but I cannot quite bring myself to delete them. I mean I could just leave them on the laptop but I…well I’m conflicted about the whole thing. I am starting to think that the ‘Cloud’ is a big red herring, it isn’t the future…maybe.
Finally a recipe. A nice, simple, straightforward hotpot.
Before I commence I would like to bitch and moan. I have been blogging for something like 3 1/2 years. WordPress is easy and straightforward. You write some blurb. Then you open the file of photos you have to hand and just drag them into the media loader.
When I got a Mac last year it got even easier. It let you drag a photo straight into the text. Couldn’t be easier. Then last month Apple buggered about with the photo app and now I can’t drag anything into anything. I feel like throwing the whole lot in the bin. But I am sucked in. I’m paying WordPress $99 a year for some reason. I’m paying Apple £3 a month for iCloud and I don’t even know what the hell for. I just paid Microsoft £108 to use Word on a Mac which I don’t need but feel compelled to have ‘just in case’.
So I can’t really throw anything in the bin. And if anyone can throw me a bone here, so to speak, explain how to make everything work nice and easy like it used to (in the good old days) then please do let me know…
Anywhoooooo. Meatloaf. Never made one but they look so damned tasty I had to give it a go…
It’s been a while since I did ribs. I went to my trusty farm shop to get some, got home, decided they weren’t big enough, and popped to Tesco and got some much more substantial ones.
Talking of substantial, check out this guy. He is an ‘extreme eater’, and consumes extreme amounts of food. For some reason. He took on the Breaking BadAss Challenge at Longhorns Barbeque Smokehouse in Newcastle and ate a rack of beef ribs, a rack of pork ribs, various other meaty items, some coleslaw and so on. Inexplicably though he couldn’t eat a pot of baked beans and thus, having failed the challenge, had to fork out £35 for the meal.
A failed extreme eater. It’s a lonely job, and no one has to do it. Back to my ribs.
I found out a new fascinating fact the other day.
A Venus Fly Trap could consume a human being.
For this to happen the aforementioned human would have to be served up to the predatory plant in little bits, of no more than one gramme at a time (each gramme taking about 1 3/4 days to process). Anymore than that and it would freak out and stop working.
On that basis, given the average human weighs about 75,000 grammes, it would take the little blighter 378 years to finish off dear Aunt Gladys. (BTW all this information is courtesy of a Sunday Times journalist, @MattRudd, who is paid money to come up with this stuff. Some people have the life. Still, he reckoned it was 1,500 yrs but I reckon its 378. It matters people).
So what, I hear you yawn. In fact someone might be reading this and thinking what is this drivel, where is the steak. Actually if someone is reading this then I’m really happy. If someone is reading this and still thinking, I’m ecstatic).
Well the point is, if a Venus Fly Trap can eat a man in 378 years (admitedly in very small portions), then how long would it take to eat this steak?